Desolutionary Eulogies
I was thinking of what the different writers with whom I correspond might say as an eulogy for me (Wendy is at home right now cringing because I said "an").
SyKNiS would say something hardcore and gangster, yet sensitive and world-dominationy. He'd steal my deed for my part of Antarctica while I was busy being dead, then trail off into some speech about something totally unrelated, like how odd it is that racecar tires don't melt despite the immense friction they must be subject to.
Chaos would just bring a blue marker and write/draw something obscene on my arm before I was burried. He'd tell my mom she was a "bloody cunt bubble" and make sure she didn't get in.
Jes would start out, "Andy. Andy Andy Andy. Andy Andy bo-Bandy. He was a commie." I'm not sure what would come in the middle, but I'm fairly positive she'd end her eulogy by addressing the congregated people with, "...and that's a fact. Love, Jes." Maybe "Ex-Oh-Ex-Oh. Mustang, beyotch. West Side."
Nano would probably shave my head and laugh and laugh. I'll haunt your bitch ass, Nano. You watch yourself.
P-Chan wouldn't show up.
Shrugs would say, "We were bros. Pals. Comrades. Horny. Pimp as HELL. Now only I live on to maintain our immensely popular tradition of wangs and tentacles. I'll keep it up so I don't let you down. Huz-unf, baby. Huz. Unf."
I don't know what Invis would say. She'd probably be the only one who was totally serious though. She'd say something valuable and insightful, somehow optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I'm not sure what, but that's what she'd do.
RodeoM wouldn't be there either, because I don't really know him. I doubt I'll really talk much to him oh, ever, but he's still the third closest thing to a rockstar I know. The first is SyK, ruler of the unfree world, and the second is Shrugs' underwear.
Schatze SHOULD break into a freestyle ghetto rap like she's been desperately wanting to for ages, but she probably wouldn't. I'd write a note before I died and instruct her to pry it from my cold, dead hands. It'd say, "I hear that dead people release lots of gas," and she'd about piss herself laughing.
Entrapment isn't listed anymore, but she'd be there. She'd make sure I was burried in my honourary mounty suit instead of some crappy suit and tie. She'd also make sure the word "czar" appeared somewhere on my tombstone/monuments and would be sure my casket got a thorough humping before it went underground.
The end.
Love,
Red
XOXO
P.S. Honda, beyotch. North Side.
SyKNiS would say something hardcore and gangster, yet sensitive and world-dominationy. He'd steal my deed for my part of Antarctica while I was busy being dead, then trail off into some speech about something totally unrelated, like how odd it is that racecar tires don't melt despite the immense friction they must be subject to.
Chaos would just bring a blue marker and write/draw something obscene on my arm before I was burried. He'd tell my mom she was a "bloody cunt bubble" and make sure she didn't get in.
Jes would start out, "Andy. Andy Andy Andy. Andy Andy bo-Bandy. He was a commie." I'm not sure what would come in the middle, but I'm fairly positive she'd end her eulogy by addressing the congregated people with, "...and that's a fact. Love, Jes." Maybe "Ex-Oh-Ex-Oh. Mustang, beyotch. West Side."
Nano would probably shave my head and laugh and laugh. I'll haunt your bitch ass, Nano. You watch yourself.
P-Chan wouldn't show up.
Shrugs would say, "We were bros. Pals. Comrades. Horny. Pimp as HELL. Now only I live on to maintain our immensely popular tradition of wangs and tentacles. I'll keep it up so I don't let you down. Huz-unf, baby. Huz. Unf."
I don't know what Invis would say. She'd probably be the only one who was totally serious though. She'd say something valuable and insightful, somehow optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I'm not sure what, but that's what she'd do.
RodeoM wouldn't be there either, because I don't really know him. I doubt I'll really talk much to him oh, ever, but he's still the third closest thing to a rockstar I know. The first is SyK, ruler of the unfree world, and the second is Shrugs' underwear.
Schatze SHOULD break into a freestyle ghetto rap like she's been desperately wanting to for ages, but she probably wouldn't. I'd write a note before I died and instruct her to pry it from my cold, dead hands. It'd say, "I hear that dead people release lots of gas," and she'd about piss herself laughing.
Entrapment isn't listed anymore, but she'd be there. She'd make sure I was burried in my honourary mounty suit instead of some crappy suit and tie. She'd also make sure the word "czar" appeared somewhere on my tombstone/monuments and would be sure my casket got a thorough humping before it went underground.
The end.
Love,
Red
XOXO
P.S. Honda, beyotch. North Side.
posted by red at 23:03
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home