Tt so Xiao Leh?

I often state a hatred for Singapore. If you don't understand how I could foster such a huge hatred for such a small "country," you probably haven't played many online RPGs. While that's not okay, what's worse than that is what's often referred to as "Singlish"...kind of like "Spanglish," only no real language is involved. They use words like leh, lah, and loh randomly, which kind of equate to the Canadian "eh" or American "you know." They also throw in words like liao or xiao (sometimes with a random Z on the end) which is supposed to mean "crazy" but has become such a common slang word by idiot Sings trying to be cool that it has basically no contextual relevance at all now. Sometimes they try to throw in Chinese words, as many of them also speak Chinese, but 98% of the time the words are used improperly.

The worst, most immediately noticeable thing about Singlish, though, is the mutilation of English. Unpronounceable contractions, like "tt" in place of "that," are commonly used, as well as vowel substitutions that would normally lengthen vowels, making the brain bleed (eg. "dae" instead of "day"). Even worse are pronunciation distortions done intentionally, like changing "have" into "hab."

The funniest thing, or perhaps the only funny thing about it, is that Singaporeans are INCREDIBLY defensive of Singlish. They'll immediately go on the defensive, often cursing at you and claiming that it's a "cultural" part of Singaporeanism to use Singlish, even if you inquire politely about it.

For those of you who are curious, here is an excerpt from a random blog. I'd cite it so you could go see for yourself that I'm not making this up, however normal humans will die when exposed to too much Singlish, so I'm going to plagiarize.

Please, read with caution.

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"hmmm..am i obsessed?i dunnoe lehz...ziwei saes iam...haha..maybe..the last time i feel so mad bout a show was lyk 2 yrs ago?n wad show izt?aha...kindaichi..haha..yupz..so i xpect tt i will start lyking new stuff now..okae...tt will be a new change to the danhong hu owaes crap to u pple bout jap stuff tt u all dun understand...ok...but i will still lyk jap stuff loh..yupz..my life man..n i am not obsess lyk how ziwei adores huiling loh..haha..tts for sure..haha..yupz...haiza...mon is cumin skl n irealli dun wana go skl..plz help me check my results...haiza..i am real scared loh...cos i tink even though i tink i worked hard this time...my results will be horrible...y everitime lidat de?everitime i work hard for sth den the results owaes not ideal..haiza...maybe i am fated to not do well in studies...studies is not my ting loh..haiza...realli duno wad i will end up duin wen i grow up...lemme just sae sumting lah...girls shudnt study.ya noe y?first...u study for soooooo mani yrs n u finalli get a degree...by tt time...u r oreadi 22-25...den u go out n work...26-28...u work for lyk 2-3 yrs n if u r lucky,u got a bf n later u get married.so ur husband will ask u to stae at home n dun work...to look after ur future children cos he tinks tt having children sent to childcare is not good.so...aft studying for more then 15 yrs..u end up working for 3 yrs oni..den u r supposed to stae at home n be a hsewife...how nice rite..so gals shld not study...muahahahahah..as in shld not study tt much loh..yupz...tts my theory lah...but i dun realli lyk agree wif it oso..hahahah..as in pple bliving in not sending kids to childcare..

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I break off here because I'm sure your brain is trying to figure out a way to make its eyes explode, or to stab itself from inside of your skull. Now you understand the importance of my chief stance as presidential candidate, and I implore you to join me when I rally under this cause:

NUKE SINGAPORE

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By (popular?) demand, here is a translation of the text that's probably necessary to understand some words, like "izt."

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Hmm, am I obsessed? I don't know. Ziwei (a name) says that I am. Maybe so. The last time I felt so disappointed about a concert was around two years ago. And what show is it (was it)? "Kindaichi." So I expect that I will start liking new stuff now. Okay, that will be a change from the Danhong (author's name) who was mean to you people about Japanese stuff (i.e. music) that you all don't understand. Okay, but I will still like Japanese stuff. It's my life, man. And I am not obsessed like how Ziwei adores Huiling, you know? That's for sure. Monday is coming...school...and I really don't want to go to school. Please help me check my grades, I am really scared, man, because I think even though I think I worked hard this time, my results will be horrible. Why is it like that every time, eh? Every time I work hard for something, the results turn out poorly. Maybe I'm fated to do poorly in studies. Studies are not my thing. I really don't know what I will end up doing when I grow up. Let me just say something, though. Girls shouldn't study. You know why? First...you study for soooo many years and you finally get a degree. By that time, you are already 22-25, then you go out and work. 26-28, you work for like 2-3 years and if you're lucky, you have a boyfriend and will later get married. So your husband will ask you to stay at home and not work, to look after your future children because he thinks that having children sent to daycare isn't good. So, after studying for more than 15 years, you end up working for only three years. Then you're supposed to stay at home and be a housewife. How nice, right? So, gals should not study. Muahahahah...as in, should not study that much, eh? Yes...that's my theory, man...but I don't really, like, agree with it (also)...hahahaha...as in people believing in not sending kids to daycare.