Free Kevin

I saw a picture that had the words "Free Kevin" on it, and at first I didn't get it.

Then it hit me. "Duh, stupid. Kevin Mitnick."

"Who's Kevin Mitnick?"

To that I can only say...WHAT?!?!

Kevin David Mitnick is only the freaking God of the Internet (or should I say "phreaking?"). He pioneered modern day hacking and became so adept at the manipulation of electronics and people that he coined the term "social engineering."

Now, all of us good little kids know that he was largely innocent of the crap they claimed he did. The government, at one point, held him in solitary confinement prior to trial and without a bail hearing for four and a half years claiming that he could 'start a nuclear war by whistling into a pay phone.'

If you don't know about Mr. Mitnick, you should look him up. Most of the stuff on the net is outdated, so I'll save you the trouble of trying to find post 1995/2000 stuff and tell you that his probation expired in January of 2001 and he has gone on to write two books: The Art of Deception and The Art of Intrusion. Intrusion, though written more recently, is already out of print, and even the printed copies do not have the opening chapter. The banned chapter can be found here.

There's also a movie about him, but it's all bullshit. Out of curiosity I watched it anyway, and it's definitely far too dramatized. If you're wanting to know, it's called Takedown. I don't encourage paying to see it, if you know what I mean.

I also placed an order for Reise, Reise by Rammstein. It's their new album, which won't be released until mid-November. I'll deal though. Since the album and Deception are shipping together I'll have time to finish the book I'm reading before Mitnick's gets here. I'm on a waiting list for Intrusion...undoubtedly it'll be a long wait considering the demand for it and that it's out of print. There are only three people in front of me now though, so that's good.

I don't usually say this sort of thing, but I've gotta use the snowboarder lingo here, 'cause I'm like, totally amped, bro. I'll flip when that parcel comes.

Mitnick and Rammstein goodness. I won't know what to do first...I'll probably have to put the album on repeat while I read the book and hope I don't have a joy-overload.

As a side note, there's this lovely "Next Blog" button at the top right of the page that takes you to a random blog. Sometimes I hit it just to see how terrible America's youth has become. The very first journal written in English (if you'd call it that) started out as follows:

"i had my english paper 1 and 2 today.. it was real horrible! hope that i pass.. "

Something tells me she shouldn't be too optimistic. She didn't capitalize proper pronouns, proper nouns, pluralize, didn't spell out single digit numbers, made an improper anticedent reference, misspelled an adjective, and used double punctuation (not including the malformed ellipse).

IN THE FIRST LINE.

God, I can't stand stupid people. No wonder I wasn't that into girls as a teenager.

Winter's Here

"Either I got fat or my wang got bigger." -Me in a letter to Vin.

Ha. Sometimes I say something that even I am amused by. Problem is that most of the time when I'm amused by it, no one else is. Ah well, screw them. I'll wangsmack them all, then we'll see who's laughing. I bet it'll still be me.

And all the assholes going, "Nope, your wang didn't get bigger, fatass."

Heh. I'm not really fat, I'm just, you know, overall larger than I was about four years ago when the majority of my wardrobe was added. My shoes are only two years old, I think. My mom keeps offering to get me new shoes, and I'm not dumb enough to turn down something free like that, but I kept trying to suggest that I'd rather have pants than shoes.

"They're only two years old, they're still fine!"
"Look at them, they look ratty!"
"I had my last two pairs of shoes for four years each!"
"Well, you can still wear the shoes you've got now to work in and stuff."

I can still wear them all the time. Oy. So they look a little grungy. I can find some polish for less than five bucks and make them look fine for the next two years. Just let me get some damn pants.

I have one pair of pants that fits for sure. It's the only pair of baggy pants I ever got during that whole baggy-pants fad. Not because they were baggy and that was the fad, really...I just liked the design and they were comfortable. They still are, only they're all torn to hell around the feet. They'll be fine.

The second pair sort of fits if I don't, you know, breathe too much. When I move around a lot they kind of go all militant rugburn on my back, so I have to tuck a shirt in with them, taking up more inside-the-pants room.

The third pair now has holes where the butt pockets connect, so I can't wear them.

I bought a pair of khakis (that's what they call light coloured slacks now, I think) to work in. I wear those on Fridays.

All my other pants are not useful. I'm pretty set on shorts, however most of them don't have pockets so I have to plan those out depending on if I'll need money or my ID that day.

Shirts...I've just discovered holes in a few. And anything with oriental writing on it (I admit I bought ONE of them, the rest were gifts, I promise) is out because you feel like a real jackass when you go to school with as many exchanges as there are here and have no idea what it says. Like it's been said, if you walked around with "Honour" or "Courage" or some bullshit written on your shirt in English, people'd just laugh at you/kick your ass. The only one I like/bought is just an Adidas shirt with "Three Stripes Brand" in Katakana. It, however, now has a growing hole in the front.

I just ordered two shirts. I only meant to get one, so now I'll have two of the same shirt. I'm also seeing about an Astralcar shirt, however I should probably see about some longsleeved items for winter. There are always jackets and sweaters, though. For some reason I have a shit-ton of sweaters.

I'm sure everyone is intrigued by my wardrobe. Along with my new shirts I also purchased two new kippot (kih-poh) since I've always wanted one that was solid black (both are) and can't find either of my other ones (I'm pretty sure my sister's mom commandeered them). Since I wear a hat all hours of the day other than showering or sleeping anyway, I just put the nicer one in my regular hat and the less formal more durable one in my work hat. I am with kippot like rich girls are with shoes.

I still have the same two jackets I've had since freshman year in high school. They rule. One is my warm as a steaming pile of crap Nunavut Connection wind jacket that's lined with wool or something equally hot (plus stitching in the armpit from when I tore it less than a month after buying it). I still remember the pompous French bastard sales clerk in the Underground City that I got it from. He was eyeing me funny and mumbling at me, so instead of politely asking if he would speak English in French, I said (in French), "You, speak English," using the disrespectful "you" form. He was not happy, but I was the customer, so he had to be my bitch.

My other jacket is my leather jacket, complete with random tears here and there. I can't find the liner to it and the inside pocket has holes in the bottom that pens slip through if I forget about them. Then I have to work them up from the inside of the jacket out through the pocket, which sucks. I don't care though, there are a lot of memories attached to that old rag.

Since no one cares, how about some lovely Jewish remixes that few are aware of.

"Putting on the Ritz" has been remade into "Going to the Bris."

The lyrics "God must have spent a little more time on you" have been redone to fit "God must have spent a little more time on Jews."

Boyz to Men probably never saw "I'll make love to Jews, like I always do" coming.

I also doubt that Britney ever figured "Baby baby, how was I supposed to know?" would one day evolve into "Rabbi rabbi, how do I commit mitzvoh?"

I'll see if I can't Jewify some entire songs. It'll give me something to do instead of writing about total crap.