Desolutionary Eulogies

I was thinking of what the different writers with whom I correspond might say as an eulogy for me (Wendy is at home right now cringing because I said "an").

SyKNiS would say something hardcore and gangster, yet sensitive and world-dominationy. He'd steal my deed for my part of Antarctica while I was busy being dead, then trail off into some speech about something totally unrelated, like how odd it is that racecar tires don't melt despite the immense friction they must be subject to.

Chaos would just bring a blue marker and write/draw something obscene on my arm before I was burried. He'd tell my mom she was a "bloody cunt bubble" and make sure she didn't get in.

Jes would start out, "Andy. Andy Andy Andy. Andy Andy bo-Bandy. He was a commie." I'm not sure what would come in the middle, but I'm fairly positive she'd end her eulogy by addressing the congregated people with, "...and that's a fact. Love, Jes." Maybe "Ex-Oh-Ex-Oh. Mustang, beyotch. West Side."

Nano would probably shave my head and laugh and laugh. I'll haunt your bitch ass, Nano. You watch yourself.

P-Chan wouldn't show up.

Shrugs would say, "We were bros. Pals. Comrades. Horny. Pimp as HELL. Now only I live on to maintain our immensely popular tradition of wangs and tentacles. I'll keep it up so I don't let you down. Huz-unf, baby. Huz. Unf."

I don't know what Invis would say. She'd probably be the only one who was totally serious though. She'd say something valuable and insightful, somehow optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I'm not sure what, but that's what she'd do.

RodeoM wouldn't be there either, because I don't really know him. I doubt I'll really talk much to him oh, ever, but he's still the third closest thing to a rockstar I know. The first is SyK, ruler of the unfree world, and the second is Shrugs' underwear.

Schatze SHOULD break into a freestyle ghetto rap like she's been desperately wanting to for ages, but she probably wouldn't. I'd write a note before I died and instruct her to pry it from my cold, dead hands. It'd say, "I hear that dead people release lots of gas," and she'd about piss herself laughing.

Entrapment isn't listed anymore, but she'd be there. She'd make sure I was burried in my honourary mounty suit instead of some crappy suit and tie. She'd also make sure the word "czar" appeared somewhere on my tombstone/monuments and would be sure my casket got a thorough humping before it went underground.

The end.

Love,
Red
XOXO

P.S. Honda, beyotch. North Side.

Time for Some Change

"Just as the river I step in is not the same and is, so I am and am not."
~Heraclitus

It's funny how old rednecks around here (or should I say "in these here parts?") actually know a bit from one of the oldest philosophers and have no idea. It's normally just rendered as, "Ya cain't step in th' same river twice, y'know."

A Heraclitian equivalent that I prefer is "The sun is made new again all day."

Or maybe it was every day. Hmm. Time to brush up on my Heraclitus.

Oh how I dream of
a nice little rosy gal to love
past a mezuzah we make our home
greeting neighbors, aleichem shalom

I told myself I would go to bed as soon as I got done showering tonight, because I haven't gone to school at all this week yet. It wouldn't be so bad if I just missed a class here and there that I don't have every day, but no matter what day I miss, I miss German. And usually, I miss on a Political Science day because I think, "If I sleep in, I'm only missing German and PoliSci. I'll survive just missing two classes." That has to stop. Now. Missing as much class as I do is disgraceful and I should be ashamed of myself.

Tallit to teffilin
Shabbat as a mitzvah
we welcome ger and goyim
or tzaddikim with Torah

I was too lazy to even drive to the bank, which is less than ten minutes away. I want to request Fridays off, but I know since it's Friday night, they'll just look at me like any other kid who wants to go out and drink and party. Who'd really believe that I would, you know, do homework and catch up on sleep? I guess it is a pretty weird concept. I need the travel time, as well. Whenever I have something to do on the weekend, I can't. In fact, I can't travel anywhere or do anything outside of Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. I have Saturday free, but everyone here is gone by then, and everyone everywhere else...well, it's pointless to drive somewhere Saturday morning, stay for a bit, and drive back Saturday night. Especially when it's a couple hours away.

She thanks her gracious maker,
says Shima twice a day
she knows if He forsakes her,
eternally she'll pay

I vow that once I get my computer back, I will take time to clean up my desk and make it semi-organized. I still won't do all my readings, but with a clean desk I'm bound to do more of my writing work, plus I won't have to leave the room to work online so I can devote more time to things that make me happier. The happier I am the more productive I'm bound to be. And the less tired. Speaking of things that make me happy, my favourite Alyssa in all the world (and I actually know more than one, and am related to one, which is weird) wrote me a letter that hasn't come yet. I love having something to look forward to, especially penned letters. Someday I'll make a sojourn over to her place and steal my mounty-bear from her, and my life will be complete. But not really, because there'll still be all kinds of Tour-de-Canada stuff left to do.

When she breathes her last
I'll be smiling, sitting shiva for her
not thinking of any past
but of the heavens she will stir

My brain is going to explode. I need a vacation. A girl at work and I agreed to swap my Sunday night for her Tuesday this week so she can take a test, so that'll give me a good weekend to do some travel this week. I think I'll see if Dünkel isn't up for a little rest, relaxation, and rowdiness. It's an overdue vacay, despite the fact that I've been ditching classes. I don't need out of class or work, so much as just out of this place for a bit. I think everyone feels that way now and then.

The best of friends are blind
they'll not kippah or payos shun
through all our days we'll bind
both living and dying as one

Aaaaand I'm spent.