I Could Pay
Time for a quickie.
Man, I could go for another kind of quickie. But I won't, probably ever.
When I say quickie, I mean it'll be quick for you to read, but take a year and a half for me to write. That's because I'm about to try and figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life, because presently what I'm doing with my life is a whole lot of nothing.
Not bad is that I haven't seen a bunch of people who were bad influences anyway in a long time.
Not so bad is that I'm bombing one course. That means that I'm NOT bombing three other courses. I'm having last second "cold feet" about living with Chaos but whatever, too late to do anything about that and I can't afford rent on my own. I'll do better living with him than I would living with Dunkel (who offered as well). With Dunkel there'd be less or no fighting that will inevitably come with Chaos, but there'd also be general disarray about the place and people coming in all the time, alcohol and all that. Not so bad also is that I had my job threatened again. My boss told me one more fuck up and I'm gone, but he also tried to rip me out of fifty bucks and I called him on it, so whatever. Fuck that place.
Bad is that Conestoga flat out rejected me. It's where I really wanted to go and they said not only do I have to go to their campus (900 miles away) and take an English proficiency test (even after having several English courses on my transcripts and being born a primary speaker), but my GPA doesn't make the cut. Whatever, I guess. I got accepted to one, so I'm in there for sure. Bad is also that I'm totally regressing. I feel like I did when I was becoming schizoid, only without any schizophrenia (thank goodness). Bad is also that I'm going to be basically on my own at the end of this semester. Not even a college degree yet and I'll be supporting myself completely. It's scary. I feel way too young and immature, because I am.
Maybe this isn't so quick.
My present situation is whether to keep on with this semester or drop out now. If I were to get straight As this semester, and I won't, then my GPA wouldn't feel a thing. It might move up slightly, but not much. If I bomb out or do poorly, it'll plummet. I don't see how that works, but GPA has always been like throwing a safe off a parking garage: takes sweat and hard work and a lot of effort to carry it up, five seconds to heave it over the edge and watch it implant itself into the ground.
I won't be going next semester. It'll be full time work for me wherever I can get it, or worse, two part times. Just as long as I'm working. I don't want to do student loans, but I'm accepted to Georgian and want to go while I'm accepted rather than bank on being accepted again in a year and then being denied. If I worked first, I could pay for it, if not, I'll be in a new country hoping and praying my finances don't fall through, resulting in deportation.
I should just stop worrying until I've contacted an embassy or high council and found out how the international loans work. After all, it's only two years of schooling. I could pay for probably a semester or so right now, leaving me with a year and a half's worth to pay. Even on loans that's not so bad. Saying it's 50,000...I could pay that off in five years easily.
Yeah. Think positive.
Too difficult. It's easier to program than think positive.
Man, I could go for another kind of quickie. But I won't, probably ever.
When I say quickie, I mean it'll be quick for you to read, but take a year and a half for me to write. That's because I'm about to try and figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life, because presently what I'm doing with my life is a whole lot of nothing.
Not bad is that I haven't seen a bunch of people who were bad influences anyway in a long time.
Not so bad is that I'm bombing one course. That means that I'm NOT bombing three other courses. I'm having last second "cold feet" about living with Chaos but whatever, too late to do anything about that and I can't afford rent on my own. I'll do better living with him than I would living with Dunkel (who offered as well). With Dunkel there'd be less or no fighting that will inevitably come with Chaos, but there'd also be general disarray about the place and people coming in all the time, alcohol and all that. Not so bad also is that I had my job threatened again. My boss told me one more fuck up and I'm gone, but he also tried to rip me out of fifty bucks and I called him on it, so whatever. Fuck that place.
Bad is that Conestoga flat out rejected me. It's where I really wanted to go and they said not only do I have to go to their campus (900 miles away) and take an English proficiency test (even after having several English courses on my transcripts and being born a primary speaker), but my GPA doesn't make the cut. Whatever, I guess. I got accepted to one, so I'm in there for sure. Bad is also that I'm totally regressing. I feel like I did when I was becoming schizoid, only without any schizophrenia (thank goodness). Bad is also that I'm going to be basically on my own at the end of this semester. Not even a college degree yet and I'll be supporting myself completely. It's scary. I feel way too young and immature, because I am.
Maybe this isn't so quick.
My present situation is whether to keep on with this semester or drop out now. If I were to get straight As this semester, and I won't, then my GPA wouldn't feel a thing. It might move up slightly, but not much. If I bomb out or do poorly, it'll plummet. I don't see how that works, but GPA has always been like throwing a safe off a parking garage: takes sweat and hard work and a lot of effort to carry it up, five seconds to heave it over the edge and watch it implant itself into the ground.
I won't be going next semester. It'll be full time work for me wherever I can get it, or worse, two part times. Just as long as I'm working. I don't want to do student loans, but I'm accepted to Georgian and want to go while I'm accepted rather than bank on being accepted again in a year and then being denied. If I worked first, I could pay for it, if not, I'll be in a new country hoping and praying my finances don't fall through, resulting in deportation.
I should just stop worrying until I've contacted an embassy or high council and found out how the international loans work. After all, it's only two years of schooling. I could pay for probably a semester or so right now, leaving me with a year and a half's worth to pay. Even on loans that's not so bad. Saying it's 50,000...I could pay that off in five years easily.
Yeah. Think positive.
Too difficult. It's easier to program than think positive.
posted by red at 21:57
1 Comments:
You've got American currency...
Damn the exchange rate. Damn domestic tuition. Damn student loans.
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