I found myself sitting on the steps at the back door of the chapel on campus, unaware that it was what it was. I had simply been wandering forward in search of a short way to my next class building when, due to the good weather and the sidewalk ending, I took a seat.
Well, in honesty, it was more that I didn't see the sidewalk ending than anything. Someone was close by, and not wanting to double back and look foolish (nor cut through the short, trampled grass like too many other disrespectful youths), I sat.
The sun was warm and it felt good on the parts of my face it could manage to hit despite a faded red ballcap. An hour to kill, I pulled out the morsel I'd packed for my lunch.
I ate unusually slowly, thinking over new information I'd received concerning what I felt was my betrayal by my old roommate. His girlfriend, the one who'd said she hoped we could remain friends despite the breaking off of her boyfriend and I, apparently played the major role in his decision.
Finishing my bit of lunch, I tried to tell myself that at least most of the time believing they were genuine was good. I wasn't buying it and instead frowned toward a spider's web.
I'd noticed a young man of similar age watching me, but ignored him and did not look in his direction. Soon he came over, excusing himself past me and checking the chapel's door. He announced to himself that it was locked, but only for the sake of my hearing it. An obvious excuse to come over.
He hesitated a few seconds and I stood to leave, heading the way of the grass-stomping jerks. Grasping at his courage he addressed me:
"Why the long face?" he asked.
Have I really become such an easy read?
At first I appreciated the fact that he had the drive to try and help a stranger. Then I became slightly angry, knowing that had I been on the steps of any other building he'd have passed me by.
After the few seconds it took to feel those things, I just felt empty and sad. Exactly what he thought I was feeling.
I told him that I was simply thinking, and when he inquired of the thoughts, I lied and told him that it was just the tests I have this week.
A stranger offered to carry a burden for me. Instead of gaining a friend today, I chose to gain a tally on my long list of foolish sins.
What makes me feel so empty is that I don't regret it at all.
