Jobhunt
I decided that this weekend I would stay in and just kind of do nothing so I could save at least the cash I have on me.
Of course what that really means is that I was gone from Friday to Sunday, crashing at Harpell's house.
It was awesome that we actually didn't just sit and LAN the entire time like I figured would happen. The first night we (he) had over some people and there were your standard drinking and music and guys complaining because they didn't have some slut sitting on their laps at whatever given moment.
The second night started out pretty much the same, just with more people. It turned into a 21-and-up barhop for one of his friend whose birthday it was. Harp started out as the DD, but his friend got so many drinks given to him that he ended up sliding half of them to Harp and I ended up with the keys instead. Everyone hates being the designated, but I didn't really mind considering it probably saved me a lot of money that I would've blown even though I don't have it, and it sort of...you know...keeps us alive when someone can drive.
The third night, after two days of going to sleep around seven in the morning and getting up at noon, I figured I should get out before we did another bar/restaurant/splurgefest.
I hate that I sound like my father, here. My mother was always on the case because even when we'd vacation, he never really relaxed or had fun because he was always worrying about the money. I guess the difference is that I really don't have it and he was just a cheapskate; then again I also don't let it keep me from having fun while I can. I'll be conscious of the fact that I shouldn't be spending but just do it anyway, have fun, and worry about it later.
That will probably bite me in the ass later on, hard.
I don't really dislike working. I enjoy being active and having some kind of consistent schedule. I'm not even a bad worker, in fact I'm pretty good at more things than I'm not. I just can't ever get excited about any of it. I guess it's like my studying going from gradeschool to university: first I don't have to give any effort whatsoever to do fantastic, then when I really need to give the effort I just sort of flounder because I never really had a challenge with anything that taught me how to deal with challenges before.
Hopefully having a real eight-to-fiver won't end up being the same way. I know I have the capacity to be an awesome whatever, I just pretty much fail at forcing myself to do things that ensure my continued survival.
I guess what I'm saying is that, though I've no aversion to work, I have no drive, either. There was a point at which I'd have settled for nothing less than being a revered physicist or something along that line. Now, if it paid the bills, I really wouldn't give a crap if I were someone's secretary for the next 40 years.
Even though there's nothing to do about it, it's also always a shitty time when you have to hear over and over again, "Sorry, we're not hiring right now..." Half of the time I want to say, 'look, that guy at the register right now...he sucks. I could do better than him right now with no training. Just fire him and you can hire me and we'll both benefit.' The other half of the time I just want to crotch-kick them and ask 'how about now?' until they give in.
If anyone has some form of time travel device (SyK?) I'd like to borrow it to get my clean-cut, well motivated, ruthless 16 year old self to come and do some job interviews for me and possibly kick my ass and rob me for good measure.
I've always been so efficient and direct to get things done. My last three jobs I was hired on the spot at the first place I went. It's definitely good that I'm not the person I used to be, but it also blows to realize that you've lost your touch at some really awesome skills. I'm quickly becoming a sour old man who had a lot of hopes that never really amounted to anything.
It's so much easier to just give up and hate yourself for it than it is to relentlessly pursue something that, whether success or failure, forces you to better yourself simply by adherence to the undertaking.
Of course what that really means is that I was gone from Friday to Sunday, crashing at Harpell's house.
It was awesome that we actually didn't just sit and LAN the entire time like I figured would happen. The first night we (he) had over some people and there were your standard drinking and music and guys complaining because they didn't have some slut sitting on their laps at whatever given moment.
The second night started out pretty much the same, just with more people. It turned into a 21-and-up barhop for one of his friend whose birthday it was. Harp started out as the DD, but his friend got so many drinks given to him that he ended up sliding half of them to Harp and I ended up with the keys instead. Everyone hates being the designated, but I didn't really mind considering it probably saved me a lot of money that I would've blown even though I don't have it, and it sort of...you know...keeps us alive when someone can drive.
The third night, after two days of going to sleep around seven in the morning and getting up at noon, I figured I should get out before we did another bar/restaurant/splurgefest.
I hate that I sound like my father, here. My mother was always on the case because even when we'd vacation, he never really relaxed or had fun because he was always worrying about the money. I guess the difference is that I really don't have it and he was just a cheapskate; then again I also don't let it keep me from having fun while I can. I'll be conscious of the fact that I shouldn't be spending but just do it anyway, have fun, and worry about it later.
That will probably bite me in the ass later on, hard.
I don't really dislike working. I enjoy being active and having some kind of consistent schedule. I'm not even a bad worker, in fact I'm pretty good at more things than I'm not. I just can't ever get excited about any of it. I guess it's like my studying going from gradeschool to university: first I don't have to give any effort whatsoever to do fantastic, then when I really need to give the effort I just sort of flounder because I never really had a challenge with anything that taught me how to deal with challenges before.
Hopefully having a real eight-to-fiver won't end up being the same way. I know I have the capacity to be an awesome whatever, I just pretty much fail at forcing myself to do things that ensure my continued survival.
I guess what I'm saying is that, though I've no aversion to work, I have no drive, either. There was a point at which I'd have settled for nothing less than being a revered physicist or something along that line. Now, if it paid the bills, I really wouldn't give a crap if I were someone's secretary for the next 40 years.
Even though there's nothing to do about it, it's also always a shitty time when you have to hear over and over again, "Sorry, we're not hiring right now..." Half of the time I want to say, 'look, that guy at the register right now...he sucks. I could do better than him right now with no training. Just fire him and you can hire me and we'll both benefit.' The other half of the time I just want to crotch-kick them and ask 'how about now?' until they give in.
If anyone has some form of time travel device (SyK?) I'd like to borrow it to get my clean-cut, well motivated, ruthless 16 year old self to come and do some job interviews for me and possibly kick my ass and rob me for good measure.
I've always been so efficient and direct to get things done. My last three jobs I was hired on the spot at the first place I went. It's definitely good that I'm not the person I used to be, but it also blows to realize that you've lost your touch at some really awesome skills. I'm quickly becoming a sour old man who had a lot of hopes that never really amounted to anything.
It's so much easier to just give up and hate yourself for it than it is to relentlessly pursue something that, whether success or failure, forces you to better yourself simply by adherence to the undertaking.
posted by red at 00:40
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