Solve for Ex
Five hours and no sleep away from finals that I haven't exactly studied for, I decided to take a long shower and try to shake the females distracting me out of my consciousness so I could focus on the more intricate (but less complicated than most women) points of plant genetics.
Unfortunately, a hot shower always gets my gears turning, and I started to think about them more instead of less.
At first I thought about the upcoming wedding, and for about two seconds, I let it make me feel miserable again. In those two seconds, I realized that it was exactly as I just said: I let it make me feel something.
It was strange. In five years I haven't been able to come to a close about a woman who it's never made any sense whatsoever to keep on caring about. In two seconds I was able to shed myself of that desire. It makes absolutely no sense to measure my behaviour and worry about how I present myself or when and what the ultimate consequences will be. Really, who cares, I'm not going to be the one she's nagging in fifty years. Fuck it. Problem solved.
Opposite of someone I tried to care about who perpetually tried to get me not to is someone who cares deeply for me that I feel nothing for. She's smart, averagely cute, has a promising future, and is loyal. She's willing to dump time and money into coming to see me and in all likelihood cheat on her boyfriend of three years for the fact that she's wanted to have my babies since fifth grade. Logically, I'm probably not going to meet anyone else that devoted to me or really feel much for anyone even if I do meet a "good girl." So I can just take that guy's from him and get both she and I what we want. Why not? Problem solved.
I've been letting my ego get in the way of my id. Sometimes the most effective solutions are also the most ruthless to the point that we blind ourselves to them.
I'll have more to say on this later if things pan out as I plan this summer. In the meantime, Mr. Bateman and I have some videotapes to return.
Unfortunately, a hot shower always gets my gears turning, and I started to think about them more instead of less.
At first I thought about the upcoming wedding, and for about two seconds, I let it make me feel miserable again. In those two seconds, I realized that it was exactly as I just said: I let it make me feel something.
It was strange. In five years I haven't been able to come to a close about a woman who it's never made any sense whatsoever to keep on caring about. In two seconds I was able to shed myself of that desire. It makes absolutely no sense to measure my behaviour and worry about how I present myself or when and what the ultimate consequences will be. Really, who cares, I'm not going to be the one she's nagging in fifty years. Fuck it. Problem solved.
Opposite of someone I tried to care about who perpetually tried to get me not to is someone who cares deeply for me that I feel nothing for. She's smart, averagely cute, has a promising future, and is loyal. She's willing to dump time and money into coming to see me and in all likelihood cheat on her boyfriend of three years for the fact that she's wanted to have my babies since fifth grade. Logically, I'm probably not going to meet anyone else that devoted to me or really feel much for anyone even if I do meet a "good girl." So I can just take that guy's from him and get both she and I what we want. Why not? Problem solved.
I've been letting my ego get in the way of my id. Sometimes the most effective solutions are also the most ruthless to the point that we blind ourselves to them.
I'll have more to say on this later if things pan out as I plan this summer. In the meantime, Mr. Bateman and I have some videotapes to return.
posted by red at 00:47
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