Under the Table
I am totally sober when I say that I really have to stop drinking.
I've been doing it since I was sixteen. Hell, it's a late start for some people. But it was early enough that now no matter how much I have the core of me doesn't feel a thing. I can be to the point where I can barely stand or talk, but the deepest part of my mind will be completely rational and unaffected. Passing out on the floor on the virge of dying to alcohol poisoning, that part of me will haul me to the bathroom, reach down my throat until I'm scratching my lungs and vomitting into the bowels of a toilet, and then pump me so full of water that all it amounts to is a nap on the linoleum and a headache the day after.
Seldom have I ever gotten to that point. Never when I've been with someone, in any case. It's more of the fact that I simply can't get to that point anymore. Other than being a little talkative, slurring and goofy, it just doesn't do anything to me anymore.
If it ain't makin' ugos into models or helpin' me forget I'm still alive, what fuckin' use is it anyway?
All alcohol does to me now is give me a massive headache. The slightest buzz that's not worth the hassle at all followed directly by a migraine. I can do without that.
I'm not an alcoholic at all. I don't drink in excess for the express reason that even when I do, I don't feel a damned bit different in my core.
Growing up I was always the model person that would finish clean. Never do drugs, never fuck around with women I didn't care about, never steal or fight. That was in their eyes. In reality, I've done so much more that I've never even begun to speak or write about, but...those are things for a different time.
In all sobriety, I state that I have to stop drinking because it simply doesn't cut it anymore. If it can't kick my ass, it's not worth my time. That's probably a good enough ruler for measuring a great deal of the crap I devote my time to.
I've been doing it since I was sixteen. Hell, it's a late start for some people. But it was early enough that now no matter how much I have the core of me doesn't feel a thing. I can be to the point where I can barely stand or talk, but the deepest part of my mind will be completely rational and unaffected. Passing out on the floor on the virge of dying to alcohol poisoning, that part of me will haul me to the bathroom, reach down my throat until I'm scratching my lungs and vomitting into the bowels of a toilet, and then pump me so full of water that all it amounts to is a nap on the linoleum and a headache the day after.
Seldom have I ever gotten to that point. Never when I've been with someone, in any case. It's more of the fact that I simply can't get to that point anymore. Other than being a little talkative, slurring and goofy, it just doesn't do anything to me anymore.
If it ain't makin' ugos into models or helpin' me forget I'm still alive, what fuckin' use is it anyway?
All alcohol does to me now is give me a massive headache. The slightest buzz that's not worth the hassle at all followed directly by a migraine. I can do without that.
I'm not an alcoholic at all. I don't drink in excess for the express reason that even when I do, I don't feel a damned bit different in my core.
Growing up I was always the model person that would finish clean. Never do drugs, never fuck around with women I didn't care about, never steal or fight. That was in their eyes. In reality, I've done so much more that I've never even begun to speak or write about, but...those are things for a different time.
In all sobriety, I state that I have to stop drinking because it simply doesn't cut it anymore. If it can't kick my ass, it's not worth my time. That's probably a good enough ruler for measuring a great deal of the crap I devote my time to.
posted by red at 04:10
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