Hedonism

Sometimes all it takes is a half pack of cigarettes and one starry night to get yourself back on track. Sitting out there with the moon and a blank piece of paper, I started out in the most negative mood I've been in in quite a while.

I'll post what I was writing later, but the gist of it was that looking at the moon dancing with Venus, wondering what purpose I might possibly have, only one thing seemed logical:

Use the same process to conquer myself that I use to overcome my opponents.

The logical blasphemy that follows is natural -- "If I were God, why would I create life?"

No reason, really. Anyone could pick whatever reason they wanted and live their lives in accordance with the answer that they choose. Perhaps their answers are reflective of their own lives...but for me, why would I create this oasis of life? No reason at all. Utter boredom.

Personal satisfaction.

Hedonism.

Call it whatever you'd like, it puts a different spin on what my goals should be and how I should be going about trying to achieve them. I hate to think I've lost the last eight years being me when who I should've been, wanted to be, and was destined to be all along was Red.

I killed him so long ago. I never appreciated or loved him. But he was the right way, the only way. He was the true meaning of my life. It's time to unlock the demon that I sealed away in my soul those years ago. Time to stop having 'an evil aura' and let it consume me completely without any regard to the people who've been holding me back from letting loose this torrent for so long.

If only Loki weren't so many waters away, the fun we would have.