Captivity
The sun beat down in all its glory as I dragged my feet across the sidewalks of the Old Town. My stubbornness in refusing to wear anything but heavy jeans despite the time of year was coming back to bite me as I wiped the sweat from my forehead for the hundredth time. For the first time since my captivity, I roll up my sleeves and unbutton my collared shirt in spite of the scars that cover my arms and chest.
One of the larger hills of the town comes up before me, and I pause at the base, deciding whether or not I'm about to become heat stricken as I climb my way to the top. I shrug and continue upward into the sector containing the fraternities and sororities of the campus students, keeping my straight face and hoping that the whip-like scars and decisive frown that are my constants will be enough to keep them at bay.
Today, though, the Greek sector seems startlingly empty. Reaching the crest of the hill, I am out of breath and so hot I can barely open my eyes. I decide to take a seat on the stoop of the closest building, a sorority, and hope that they deem me unapproachable long enough to get a little shade.
My eyes close and my breathing deepens as a breeze, unhindered at the peak of the hill, dries my brow and refreshes me. I smile slightly to myself, determined that this serenity will be enjoyed as long as possible. No sooner do I have the thought than my peace is broken.
"Excuse me," she says as she steps over my legs and rushes past.
"Excuse us," another one says as the rest of them shuffle by.
I open my eyes and look up in time to catch the face of the first person. She looks at me for a split second and continues on. As I stand, holding my breath, she stops and looks back at me. Her face pales to the white of the dress she's chosen for this day. Her jaw becomes slack and her eyes round with...with something I don't know. Surprise, terror, love, or all of them.
It's three slow steps to her, and I look down into her eyes. I don't flinch in mind or body, and without expression, I put my hands to her sides and lift her, pulling her to me. Out of her shock, she puts her arms around me and presses her lips to my face.
My body heaves as it tries to produce tears and fails. It has realized before me what that white dress means. My mind is in ecstasy, but my stomach caves in as my soul realizes that its is damned to endure the rest of its eternity cut in half.
Happiness through the happiness of others. A crowning achievement for a mortal. A curse unyielding for the immortal soul.
I try to pull myself away from the events that follow, knowing that I will be waking soon but not wanting to. Despite my best efforts, seeing her there again and feeling her flesh and eyes upon me is a sorrow that forces my submission. Finally, opening my eyes again, I see only my bedroom ceiling staring down on me.
Unready to let the painful pleasantries fade quickly, I blink a long, two hour blink as I absorb the false joys and real enough pain into myself. If dreams are wish-fulfillment, then I am a masochist yet.
One of the larger hills of the town comes up before me, and I pause at the base, deciding whether or not I'm about to become heat stricken as I climb my way to the top. I shrug and continue upward into the sector containing the fraternities and sororities of the campus students, keeping my straight face and hoping that the whip-like scars and decisive frown that are my constants will be enough to keep them at bay.
Today, though, the Greek sector seems startlingly empty. Reaching the crest of the hill, I am out of breath and so hot I can barely open my eyes. I decide to take a seat on the stoop of the closest building, a sorority, and hope that they deem me unapproachable long enough to get a little shade.
My eyes close and my breathing deepens as a breeze, unhindered at the peak of the hill, dries my brow and refreshes me. I smile slightly to myself, determined that this serenity will be enjoyed as long as possible. No sooner do I have the thought than my peace is broken.
"Excuse me," she says as she steps over my legs and rushes past.
"Excuse us," another one says as the rest of them shuffle by.
I open my eyes and look up in time to catch the face of the first person. She looks at me for a split second and continues on. As I stand, holding my breath, she stops and looks back at me. Her face pales to the white of the dress she's chosen for this day. Her jaw becomes slack and her eyes round with...with something I don't know. Surprise, terror, love, or all of them.
It's three slow steps to her, and I look down into her eyes. I don't flinch in mind or body, and without expression, I put my hands to her sides and lift her, pulling her to me. Out of her shock, she puts her arms around me and presses her lips to my face.
My body heaves as it tries to produce tears and fails. It has realized before me what that white dress means. My mind is in ecstasy, but my stomach caves in as my soul realizes that its is damned to endure the rest of its eternity cut in half.
Happiness through the happiness of others. A crowning achievement for a mortal. A curse unyielding for the immortal soul.
I try to pull myself away from the events that follow, knowing that I will be waking soon but not wanting to. Despite my best efforts, seeing her there again and feeling her flesh and eyes upon me is a sorrow that forces my submission. Finally, opening my eyes again, I see only my bedroom ceiling staring down on me.
Unready to let the painful pleasantries fade quickly, I blink a long, two hour blink as I absorb the false joys and real enough pain into myself. If dreams are wish-fulfillment, then I am a masochist yet.
posted by red at 12:53
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