Humanity
I wake up in a pool of cold sweat and lie unable to move for a short eternity. Finally tilting my head to one side and peering through the darkness at my clock I can see that it's four in the morning. A split second later I have a case of cottonmouth to rival the ancients and realize that the reason I'm unable to move is not a lack of will, but the lack of any bodily response. Sweat pours down my brow.
I somehow stumble to the bathroom, telling myself it's nothing. After a short urination I realize my body just wants to shit and vomit at the same time. My vision fades in and out.
Knowing what's about to come, I miraculously manage to pull myself to a half-standing position. Everything after this is a blur. The next thing I know I'm lying on the kitchen floor next to a glass of water, liquid falling out of the side of my mouth, unable to drink the rest of it as my vision gives out completely. So hot, an inferno in my veins, every gland of my body leaks precious water.
I wonder if this time will be the last time I have to go through this, if this time I wasn't able to down enough water to make it through. I think about trying to crawl to my roommate's door but my body is totally unwilling. At least if I'm going to die, I think, there's no reason to wake him up and ruin his night. He'll be glad for the rest if he has to come out and find a drooling corpse with shit all over it to deal with in the morning.
Time passes. Five minutes, an hour, it's impossible to tell. There's no shaking in the least; they're the steady hands of a sniper if only I could make them close around something to shoot. Briefly, I wonder where I got my glass and hope that it wasn't used. If only I could have laughed at the thought it would have been quite a relief.
Eventually I stand, filling my glass again and swaying to the bathroom. I sit down in the darkness and hold it to my face. It's not because it's cool at all (it isn't) but because it's the only way I can support both my head and the vessel. I empty myself into the toilet and take a long pull of water.
Smiling inwardly, the realization comes that I have survived another kiss of the netherworld. This particular droplet of death was one of the more disgusting ones, but I had passed through it and the utter human mortality of this decrepit body by a slim margin once more. I had lived to destroy another day.
I somehow stumble to the bathroom, telling myself it's nothing. After a short urination I realize my body just wants to shit and vomit at the same time. My vision fades in and out.
Knowing what's about to come, I miraculously manage to pull myself to a half-standing position. Everything after this is a blur. The next thing I know I'm lying on the kitchen floor next to a glass of water, liquid falling out of the side of my mouth, unable to drink the rest of it as my vision gives out completely. So hot, an inferno in my veins, every gland of my body leaks precious water.
I wonder if this time will be the last time I have to go through this, if this time I wasn't able to down enough water to make it through. I think about trying to crawl to my roommate's door but my body is totally unwilling. At least if I'm going to die, I think, there's no reason to wake him up and ruin his night. He'll be glad for the rest if he has to come out and find a drooling corpse with shit all over it to deal with in the morning.
Time passes. Five minutes, an hour, it's impossible to tell. There's no shaking in the least; they're the steady hands of a sniper if only I could make them close around something to shoot. Briefly, I wonder where I got my glass and hope that it wasn't used. If only I could have laughed at the thought it would have been quite a relief.
Eventually I stand, filling my glass again and swaying to the bathroom. I sit down in the darkness and hold it to my face. It's not because it's cool at all (it isn't) but because it's the only way I can support both my head and the vessel. I empty myself into the toilet and take a long pull of water.
Smiling inwardly, the realization comes that I have survived another kiss of the netherworld. This particular droplet of death was one of the more disgusting ones, but I had passed through it and the utter human mortality of this decrepit body by a slim margin once more. I had lived to destroy another day.
posted by red at 02:28
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