I Called It

The War in Iraq, I fuckin' called it. The following are excerpts from a fifteen or so page essay I wrote on the inevitability of an American war within the first half of my life. This was composed sometime between late 1999 and early 2001. I have added idiotic comments and a lot of capital letters for your (i.e. “my”) entertainment.

"Lack of the ability to compromise and negotiate will set people up for war, but the real instigators are vanity and the ego…what does compromise really achieve, and what is derived from negotiation? In most cases great and straightforward violence is only traded for spite and underlying aggression. Before mankind can make any progress it must realize why it is fighting. We fight battles not to settle disputes, but to win. The essence of all conflict is a vain want by the mind to elate one's own self over those around him. It is not a conquering of people, but a conquering of egos." <--Such as degrading Arabs by calling them Hajis in the same way that slaves were referred to as Sambos AMIRITE??

"Conflict, particularly war, usually starts as an economic or political struggle between two nations. One country will feel oppressed while the other feels just in being an oppressor, or one country will covet the fortunes of another." <--LIKE OIL AMIRITE??

"The first world nations therefore feel that since they have an established government, it is their right and duty to police those nations which do not...[The] first world country ends up making donations of resources or currency to the country being supported, inevitably forming a worldwide welfare organization under the cloak of governmental stability." <--Socialism at home + fascism abroad = capitalism AMIRITE??

"To retaliate against the policing nation, citizens of the third world nation will most commonly assault troops from the other country. As an effect more troops are sent to hold back the citizens assaulting the first troops, and in a chain effect those troops are also assaulted. Instead of doing the logical thing, as most governments always refrain from doing, and withdrawing from that country, the first world country stays and armed conflict breaks out. This results in an international incident which can, if not properly controlled, result in a minor scale war." <--.......IWASRITE!!

"These wars tend to be of either politics or beliefs. When nations with stable economies fight, greater weapons and larger amounts of soldiers are issued, and the conflict becomes that much bloodier. Often a moral or political leader is used merely as a scapegoat for the true reason of the war. Many people die not knowing the true reason that they are sacrificing themselves. This mindless slaughter is usually referred to as patriotism." <--SCAPEGOATSAMA BIN LADEN AMIRITE??

"When the members of a nation believe so passionately that their government should be the only form, opposing types of governments are degraded...Without understanding the opposing societal development, people are trained by their corresponding governments to automatically condemn all others. This is not a battle of right, but one which results solely from the fear of the unknown." <--OMGZ A-RABS THEY HAS DIFFRENT GOD AMIRITE??

"If one of these countries wishes to go to war with another country for any reason, what better scapegoat for them than their governmental practices? The people do not have to have experienced or understand the workings of their opposites. They only need be told that it is different and ergo threatening to their way of life." <--I WAN OIL BUT I'LL BLAME SADDAM, U KEEL HIM FIRST B4 HE KILL U AMIRITE??

"Now in a time when violence is no longer necessary, man does not know what to do with his hunger and thus wages unneeded wars and raises bloody conflict merely to appease his yearning for battle. All of the world may turn to this and ignore their successes in government and life in order to achieve the archaic form of social structure based purely on the untainted art of and lust for violence against each other." <--KEKEKEKEKE

"Man's worst enemy is his own mind." <--JOANIE LESS THAN THREES CHACHI AMIRITE??

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28.7.01 -- 45 days prior to 9/11 :

"What the hell is going on? What’s happening to the world?...They say animals get nervous before a storm. I say humans get nervous before a war. When soldiers charge why do they duck their heads? It doesn’t matter why if the bullets end up going over them, the outcome is all that matters. In the same way it doesn’t matter much who starts the war or why, just who wins and what that means for the participants."

Journal Diving

I recently re-uncovered my first 40 journal entries, which considering the shelf lives of floppy disks, I was amazed were completely uncorrupted after over five years and several moves. Something that I said within those roughly 36 pages of text was that:

"When you get right down to it, even with everything that goes on, even with all the words that I end up putting on that once-blank page, nothing truly changes."

Thank Gord I am wrong sometimes. Let's see, things that have changed...

I used to write in one of two ways: One way was incredibly sophisticated to the point of being doctrinal and absolutely did not look like the work of a teenager. I understand more now why my past teachers accused my parents of doing my homework for me. The other way was the way I conversed with the Chineses from the Northlands, using a great deal of crappy slang, profanity, and referring to the ladies as "chicks." In this crapastrophic (why did I ever stop using that word?) style, I did manage to embody the entire overmind of the internet and blogging with one question:

"Where's the motha fuckin' action at?"

Back then I would've been happy to tell you that I led a busy and very dramatic life. Mentally, I suppose that may have been true. My teen years, despite Neon and I constantly mocking them with the catch phrase, "TEEN ANGST, POWER UP!" were in fact very angsty. It was my classical age where I wrote doctrines, studied politics and religions and languages, listened to the mind music et al.

It was also the worst fucking five years of my life from which I'm slowly recovering. The action might be more physical now with my moving about from place to place, trying to work when I can and get edumacated, but it's still something. It's an evolution. One which my loyal readers probably find boring and uninspiring, and one for which my treacherous readers stopped bothering to visit long ago on account of my life being boring and uninspiring for such a long while now.

I'm now a much more pleasant person than I once was, although you'd never know it because I'm also now much more vocal in my discontent and my flippancy regarding being a douchebag to people than I ever would've dreamed I'd become. Unfortunately what hasn't changed is that the majority of my assholery is still untapped due to my bad habit of thinking of precisely what I'd wanted to say just as soon as the person I wanted to say it to is no longer present.

What also haven't changed are my ambitions for an exodus north. Unfortunately, since I'm unable to go on a scholarly pass, I'll have to do it the hard way. This involves working at a real job for no less than one year, and so my plans are pushed further back yet again. I'm estimating that it will take me around three or three and a half years at the least to be completely ready to hit the dusty (or snowy) trail.

This does, of course, put me in Canadia while I'm still young enough to find a single, rich old woman on her death bed and enjoy all the inheritance. It also puts me in America long enough to get married and get you a green card if you want, Trappie. Nothing like showing my remnant angst for Old Glory in a legal, if not hilarious, way.

In my teen years I was still doing the "Who am I?" ordeal, and I don't just mean watching the same-titled Jackie Chan movie that had the hottest of all his costars up to present. Now that I know damn well who I am and that there's only so much I can do about it, I figure I've got until at least 30 to tackle the latter part of the statement of "This is who I am, and this is what I'm going to do as a result." I can't honestly say I'm in any hurry.

Quiet Life

Since my tenure with my last roommate(s) went from, "We aren't going to kick you out, we know what hell your mother's house is" to "As long as you're trying," to "We'll help you move," to "Be out by yesterday," I've landed, of course, in my mother's house.

I'd like to make the claim that after my sister giving birth (to the child her ex-fiance ran out on her as soon as he found out about it) and my homecoming after such a long time that we were all happy to see each other and have been bonding in the normal ways that families are expected and encouraged to. I won't make that claim, however, because as always it is false.

Honestly, I haven't done shit to take care of the noob-orn. I'm not obligated to and haven't been asked to, but of course I'm a softy and I feel like I'm being an asshole by not volunteering. Volunteering, however, is something I know better than to do. Despite all the time I put into helping I know that whatever I did would just be criticized and unappreciated, and that they'd abuse the invitation by dumping more than a fair share onto me. There'd be virtue in accepting that and doing it anyway, but there's probably some virtue I have yet to see in playing StarCraft instead.

Mostly, though, I just want my sister to get her head out of her ass and grow the fuck up. I can still afford to be a childish, immature asshole. She, however, sacrificed that luxury and if she isn't forced to face up to that now, she's never going to. Of course my mother babies her because it's her precious princess. I just want to say get your tit out of her mouth and make her be an adult for the first time in her life.

What can I really say, though, my grandmother treats me the same way. If not for her I'd still be working the drive-thru at Steak N Shake counting down the pennies until I could afford to go to school. And if not for my mother's fear of bad publicity, I wouldn't have a roof over my head right now.

I've been busting my ass for what, eight months now to get school all lined out and get a new apartment lined up. Although I am much closer to the final step, it's a long way to Tipperary. I can't submit my application to the new school until next month, but was already very assured it would be accepted. The school will then run from August through December, meaning I have plenty of time to work until it starts. I've found some more prospects on housing, but most of the places are dives. Hell, to be honest, I drove around that town for a solid four hours one day trying to find the "nice part" and it just plain doesn't have one. The whole place is a pile of shit.

But it is, of course, temporary. Once I'm done with my schooling at the end of this year, I'll be able to apply for acceptance as a bonafide rookie, complete with the ability to be underpaid by agencies all over the place.

Since I don't really spend much luxury money I'm hoping I can save quickly. Ultimately, I need enough to secure housing and finances in Canada, as well as the patience to work random crappy jobs as I get recertified there in accordance with the Canadian laws.

One step at a time, though. I once said that in their focus on the one missing piece of the puzzle, people tend to miss out on the bigger picture. In my eagerness, I've all too often missed out on the missing steps while focusing on the bigger picture.

As far as the steps go, the path I've laid before myself doesn't really extend past Canada. What will I do once I'm finally there working a stable job and have my citizenry under the belt?

Absolutely nothing. I'll live and die a Canadian. My walk will be over Canadian soil, and my last breath will be Canadian air. After I have accomplished the course of events toward which I have set my entire life in motion, I fully intend to do absolutely nothing else.

Somehow, though, my plans never unfold the way I intend for them. The Quiet Life has never been too awefully fond of me, and I suspect that it never will be. I'll find out when I get there.

Because get there I shall.